While reading a blog about being a stepmom, I came across the mention of a book by Dr. Martha Beck, "Finding Your Way in a Wild New World" and her lesson on using nature as your anchor. The idea is not new but sometimes just consciously recognizing a tool allows you to use it more often and more effectively. Nature is definitely a tool I use for wading through the tumultuous waters of parenting within a blended family. It is a tool I use for myself and for my children.
The concept is that when life becomes turbulent around you or inside of you and you feel unsettled and afloat without an anchor, turn to nature to anchor you. Just that simple idea resonates so strongly with me. Even in life's most primal stage, infancy, nature has an almost instant calming effect. Take an upset baby outside to feel the breeze and the sun and to hear the sounds of nature and watch the calm that comes over them.
Nature is one of the things that drew me to Northern California. In CA, houses are small because with dry beautiful weather 80% of the year, inside extends outside. First thing in the morning, with a sleeping husband and/or newborn in my small house, Odin and I would wander outside to play in the garden while I enjoyed my coffee. Our first experience in the morning was the sound of the birds, the smell of the ocean mixed with roses, the bright green grass, the bright blue sky. The overwhelming beauty of it. How can you feel anything but perfect when you look around at how amazing nature is. How every bug, every flower, every cloud is...naturally perfect. It brings such peace knowing that we are all here for a reason, to play the role that only we can play. That each of us is unique and beautiful. One flower in a field of flowers is still the most amazingly beautiful thing you've ever seen. Even amongst all of the other flowers, each flower is perfect entirely unto itself. No flower is more beautiful than any other. People have preferences, but nature offers us a bouquet to choose from. It's the fact that there are options and differences that make each flower special. When you study nature, you learn the reasons behind each special trait and how it helps that being to play its role. In humans, this is not so clear. Our role is vague and undefined. But nature teaches us that being who we are, authentically, completely, and openly allows us to find the role we are meant to play. This is something that I will teach my children. It may not make them the most "popular" kid in their grade, they may not always fit in, but they will find true happiness. They will find a life that they feel passionately about. They will be unique and perfect. There will be no one just like them. They will find a loving circle of people that truly appreciate the things that are so wonderful about them.
Nature inspires me with its saturation. The colors are so vivid, the smells so pungent, the progression so rewarding. I find calm and peace in digging in the dirt, cultivating a seed, swimming in the ocean, sailing on the wind, welcoming the seasons, hiking a mountain, soaking in a view, watching the leaves blow, walking in the stillness of a snowy evening, gazing into the wonder of a fire, riding the rapids, listening to a bubbling stream, lying in the warm sun. When you look at yourself in the context of this big wild world, you realize that each of us is a very small working part in a much bigger picture. We are each special but we are amongst so many other pieces. We are not alone and there is always someone open to us when we need them.
However, when gazing at ourselves within the big picture, another conclusion can also be drawn. Our problems are not as big and not so important as we think. With the world being such a huge and overwhelming place, there is no one watching out for me. This may not be comforting to some but I find that it motivates me to make my life what I want it to be. No one is going to help me find happiness. No one is going to tell me the role I should play. Each of us is living in our own paradigm. My life path is entirely different from yours. No one can see my life as it is. They are not me. Even people with the best intentions cannot watch out for me. They can try, but they cannot fully see my life as it actually exists. I am the only one that can come to know myself. When I take the time to learn what makes me happy and to embrace my crazy self fully, my role becomes more clear. I think that we can all get wrapped up, sometimes, in thinking that we are so important. That the world owes us something. That our problems are someone's fault. That our problems are more important than those of someone else. It helps me to embrace my own destiny and to find solutions for my own problems when I realize that this is my job and mine alone. I will teach this to my children. Take ownership for your life. If you are not happy, do everything in your power to find that path that will make you happy. Do not look for bandaids of drugs, alcohol, or escapism. Face it head on. Embrace your uniqueness and find where you fit. Make mistakes. Go on an adventure. Try out a new friend. Go for it. Life is long. You have plenty of time to recover from making a decision that doesn't work out. But it might. So try it.
When life gets me down. Or I am confused about what path to take. When I feel that someone owes me something that I am not getting. I turn to nature. To calm me. To give me perspective. To teach me that I am unique and special. To remind me that the world owes me nothing. To take back control of my own happiness. To shift my view and open my mind to unseen possibilities.
"Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful."
